Kalamaf Drackonsbane » Funny

Angry Bird USB Flash Drives

kalamaf — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 01:49:23 +0000

I’m thinking I should order some Angry Bird USB Flash Drive to sell in the store – the ones that you can get from EMTEC – but I might have to buy them in bulk from Hong Kong to make it worth my while and make some money out of it. Afterall, everyone is crazy about Angry Birds right? But the ones from EMTEC comes in 4 Gig and ARE AT $26 each – so if you are not around this town – head over to EMTEC and buy some.

For The Cat

kalamaf — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 03:15:05 +0000

Why put your poor cat in a cage right? it’s just not right – even if the spouse don’t like kitty like we do – the kitty still deserve something to crawl into at night. This Native American Teepee is pretty unique isn’t it ? meant for your cats and made of 100% recycled cardboard that you can assemble yourself. I’m pretty sure you can train any cat to go in there and stay in there at night. Comes with different ornaments to decorate their new home. A dream catcher, a feather or a tomahawk – and eagle or even a bull’s head. I like the tomahawk better. Interesting and only at $19 from Loyal Luxe.

Yellow Peanut M&M Boombox

kalamaf — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 17:22:42 +0000

I cannot believed that this thing will work – made with recycled material – no batteries needed – is said to be light and you can carry it anywhere you like – and of course – the unique designed used – but not original since it is M & M peanuts candy. But you can plug it into your computer or any ipods or mp3s and it will work great! And it folds too – from what i read. Very cheap at $11.99 – so even if it doesn’t give out the best music – you can still have a talking piece at home. Buy from Merkury Innovations or Zulily.

Magic Player’s Wedding

kalamaf — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 19:09:48 +0000

We were just informed by a regular magic player – that he was getting married in December – we were shocked because we didn’t think that he was so in love that he wanted to get married so soon nor did we think he was ready. But apparently, we were all wrong – and after getting over our initial shocked – we decided to give him a sexy wedding lingerie for his bride – to – be for their wedding during the bachelor’s party to be held at the end of November. Well, that was one of the gift we thought about for his future wife – but we were also thinking of different things as well – but the sexy lingerie seems to be the right thing to give him since it would be for the wedding night. Some of the other guys from the game said we should get him a pair of costume for the wedding night instead or some kinky – but the spouse said the Spanish Lace Long dress would be very tasteful – but maybe for an older couple it would be nice but for a younger couple – I would think they would prefer the strapless corset and thong would be more their style. So everyone wants to get something for this Magic Player/friend – but we’ve so many choices – so I figured we should just get 2 one kinky and one conservative. After all, the lingerie were quite cheap to begin with – and if we order them now – we’ll have plenty of time before the bachelor party.

Ideas For Halloween

kalamaf — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 18:00:19 +0000

Yes! we are trying to get ideas for Halloween already – because Halloween is my favorite holiday of all times – not even Christmas can beat Halloween and every year – we try to dress our windows up but not really what I would like. So this year – we decided to go big scale on it – and would loved to get this very much. Alas, it is not in stock or they dont’ carry it no more – what a bummer – but no worries more indoor halloween décor is available – and I’m going to buy some pretty cool stuff online this year. They have this animated ground reaper with fog machine – that looks pretty scarey. The life size Endora witch looks pretty awesome too ! but the spouse loved the lighted decor more. So my budget is only like $500 for the store – lets hope its enough to dress up the store to be as spooky as it can get.

Talking Bender

kalamaf — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 22:50:48 +0000

Die hard fans of Futurama – can now enjoy this talking Bender in their very own office or home – only at $24.99 – this Bender says all of Bender’s favorite words and it’s like 9″ talk and the ribcage compartment opens for you to put some of your personal stuff in – when you want to show them off to friends at the park. Pretty cool – I liked it.

Halloween Costumes

kalamaf — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 00:01:28 +0000

Halloween is round the corner and we’ve been invited to a few. The spouse was talking with her girlfriends about getting some sexy costumes for the Halloween parties – I raised my eyebrows. Would be nice to see the spouse – dress up in sexy costumes every now and then right? not just for Halloween parties – but I get it – life is so busy and you can’t expect the woman to go running and buying sexy costumes every time. I told her I was all for it – if she wanted to get one online – or in the store – but online it is for them I heard. So I’m waiting to see their sexy costumes.

They Never Write Back

kalamaf — Sat, 25 Sep 2010 14:22:39 +0000

Mary Johnson wrote to me by email saying she needs my help. It was a pitiful email indeed, seeing that her mother and father were killed and she fears for her own life due to a large sum of money that her father had acquired, which is now hers. I can take whatever I want if I just help her out…. yeah, you know where this is going.

Based on your profile i am happy to request for your assistance because i believe that you are not going to betray the trust which I am going to lay on you, Hope all is well with you and other members of your family.

My name is Miss Mary Johnson,20 years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs. Johnson. My father was a highly. Reputable Contractor Engineer who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on 6th.November 2006.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time, but God knows the truth!

Though I have not meet you before but i believe, one has to risk confiding in succeed sometimes in life. There is this huge amount of (Two million Five hundred thousand) U.S dollars ($2.5m) which my late Father Mr.Bamba Johnson Kept for me in Suspense Account here in Abidjan. My father told me that I should not let any of our relations to know about this because he was killed by them and if they know about it, that they will do nothing but to kill me in other to take hold of every thing, He told me that I should seek for a foreign partner abroad who will help me to transfer this fund overseas and also travel with him or her in other to continue my Live and Education and also to start a Business relationship with the person whom can take care of me in the future.

I am just 20 years old and a university undergraduate and really don’t know what to do. This is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life, my dear, I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards and your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.

So I set fingers to keyboard and typed out a nice reply for her.

I’m happy to report that Satan is skull fucking your dead fathers corpse in
hell while God snacks on your mothers toes and cheers him on due to the
horrible failure of a daughter they brought into the world.

Go fuck yourself.

I’m still waiting for her reply on whether she liked my ideas. *shrug*

Hung – Season 1

kalamaf — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 01:46:01 +0000

Started watching this new show called Hung recently, the first season was pretty short and season 2 has already started on TV so I guess it must have had decent ratings. It’s not quite what I was expecting but the show is enjoyable enough. Basically there’s this school coach who is hurting for cash and after taking a self-help type class he comes to the realization that since he has a big dick he can make money by joining the oldest profession in the world.

His male hooking business takes a few episodes to properly get off the ground despite the fact that he doesn’t need to waste time with extenze male enhancements, his pimp just isn’t a very good pimp. I was expecting it to be a little more like Californication, more comedy and less drama, but now that they’re in to a second season I think maybe things will improve with the show.

Cordless Alarm Clock

kalamaf — Wed, 05 May 2010 19:40:36 +0000

We are always looking out for high tech stuff – just like the wife looking for best diet pill all the time - so when we saw this recommended at Apartment Therapy – of course – the wife also had to take a look at it. She is like the kind who wants to look cool without being too technical – but you know where I’m coming from right. And at the price of $24.99 – you can really go wrong at Quirky. As I’ve said before it’s cordless – so it’s safe even in a baby’s room – and it wakes you up by lighting up the LED light in it and sound. And what’s good about cordless alarm clock? when the kid needs to get ready for school, she can bring it in – and time herself – and you don’t need to go shouting at her first thing in the morning and hurt her feelings – like the wife said – i’m so getting it!

Too Much Change

kalamaf — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 02:25:38 +0000

Change can be a good thing. Too much change is typically a bad thing. Unless it’s the clinky clink type of change you find in your pocket at the end of every day and throw it into a can or bottle and forget about it. Do this on a daily basis and eventually you’ll look into the can and go ‘damn, that’s a lot of change’. I’ve got 3 cans full of change right now and I’m sure it’s at least a couple hundred bucks. I’m just too lazy to roll it up and bring it to the bank, so there it sits. Rolling money isn’t fun. I need one of those machines you dump a handful into and it does all the work for you. Maybe I have enough change here to buy one of those machines. Vicious circle I seem to be stuck in eh?! I want fun things to do. Some people find it fun to sit around googling strange words like phentermine, I find it more fun to play games whenever I have some spare time. And right about now is some spare time so I’m off to play me some games before I fall asleep at my desk. Damn 7am comes waaaay too early.

It’s the Thought that Counts

kalamaf — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:01:23 +0000

Someone gave us a little gift bag at Christmas that included a box of Lifesavers. It ended up under some clothes in a pile in the bedroom until a few days ago when it was re-discovered, opened and (almost) eaten. See, they’re supposed to be the old-school hard life savers, not the new gummy type. But, they were going kinda soft although they still tasted fine. I opened a 2nd roll and happened to see the expiry date on the silver foil under the paper wrapper. March 30, 2007. Ack! No wonder these things were beyond the help of anti aging vitamins, they were nearly 3 years past due. Good thing they don’t turn poisonous or anything! I think someone needs to go back to the store and see what’s up with that, cause damn that’s old!

Bling Bling

kalamaf — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:53:44 +0000

What better way to say “Bling Bling motherfucks” than by hanging one of these lovely gold initial pendants around your neck. It’s definitely more subtle than this dude with the gold plated segway.

Yes I admit it, I spend way more time at somethingawful.com than is probably healthy, but what can I say? There’s a lot of funny ass shit going on there. Photoshop Phriday last week was one of the funniest I’ve seen in a long time.

Cool T-Shirts

kalamaf — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 12:54:30 +0000

There’s nowhere in this town to get cool T-shirts anymore. Well, not entirely true, but to find good ones loaded with gutter humor is rather difficult. I was surprised to find some good but cheap t-shirts online and when I saw this one I had to order it. Most of my current wardrobe consists of gaming shirts that had been sent to me as promo items when I used to sell games. That was a few years ago though so it’s time to freshen up the closet. I Don’t Give a Rats Ass is only $10, can’t beat that!